A Lesson In Submission

 

                                               

Sometimes we must experience brokenness to find Sakeenah. We must fall so we can learn to stand, feel empty and vulnerable so we can fully submit and experience wholeness.

Allah has promised us that we will be tested. "Do people think that they will be left alone saying we believe, and they will not be tested?” (Surah Al-Ankabut 29:2)

I remember looking at the pathology report, the dreaded words were there "Breast cancer". I sighed and texted my sister back to acknowledge I had seen it and jumped into action mode. What is the next step? how do we find a good oncologist for mom? what would treatment look like?

I think the first week after the diagnosis, I was in overdrive mode, I did not pause to process anything and soon I was emotionally exhausted. I quickly realized that my emotional exhaustion was not going to help me in anyway, it only stressed me further, I was not thinking rationally. I had to come to terms quickly that I am in a situation I had absolutely no control over. So, I did what should have been my initial response... I submitted to my Rabb, the lord of all mankind.

1.     I accepted that Allah decreed this, and Allah is Al-Lateef the most kind, Al Wadud the most loving. He never decrees anything for us out of hate, he truly cares about us, he loves us more than we could love ourselves or loved ones, and all his decree is good and out of extreme love and kindness even if my human brain cannot comprehend it in the moment. 

2.     Allah is Al-Hakeem the wisest, he is wise and there is absolute wisdom behind any and every of his decree in our lives. Right before my mother’s diagnosis, I was at a point where I was yearning to know and love Allah more. I really wanted to establish a connection in times of ease so that I do not become a slave who only comes to her lord in times of need, but Allah is all wise and he knows us more than we know ourselves and he understands our needs more than we do so he brings along what he knows is best for us to get us closer to him in this life and the hereafter. 

3.     My mother’s strength was remarkable, may Allah continue to bless her and keep her steadfast. She reminded me that Allah is the ultimate healer. She would say may Allah guide the doctors to the best treatment plans, and may he make whatever treatment they choose for me work for me. Subhan Allah, I was looking for the best doctors, but my mother realized it is not merely by the doctors but through the healing power of Allah As-Shaafi (the ultimate healer)

4.     My mother also reminded me of prophet Ayyub (AS) she would say may Allah who granted healing to prophet Ayyub after many years of illness grant me healing. The story of prophet Ayyub also gave me a new lens to look at things, from the perspective of Shukr (gratitude). The story of prophet Ayyub talks about how he would acknowledge that the years Allah gave him good health and wealth far exceeds the number of years he had been in difficulty, hence he needed to remain a grateful slave. Indeed, the blessings of Allah on us far outweighs our perceived struggles or difficulties. Every breath we take, every heartbeat, every morsel of food we consume is a blessing from our Rabb.

5.      In difficulty sometimes a lesson in Sabr is learnt. Going through all the tests, waiting for results was nerve wracking. But being patient that whatever has been decreed will not pass us by and Allah is the best of planners, and his timing is always best. 

6.     A lesson in submission; Learning to truly submit. There were times I stayed up all night, googling treatments, worrying about what would happen only to get up in the morning thoroughly exhausted but my anxiety had not changed anything.. I had to accept some things were out of my control and I had to learn to truly submit to the will of Allah and trust in his decree, acknowledge my weakness and limitations as a human being and know that my lord is always near, and he responds to the invocation of the one who calls and that he will see us through. Submission brings peace and makes it easier to go through the journey. 

7.     Shaytan wants us to wallow in sadness and anxiety, but Allah has told us, “Do not despair in the mercy of Allah" Allah is sufficient for us as believers. 

8.     It is financially tasking paying for cancer care, but Allah is Al-Ghanee the self-sufficient, Ar-Razaq the provider so to him we turn to ask for our needs and provisions. The beautiful thing is Allah is Al-Wahab, the giver of gifts, he gives to us unconditionally whether we are deserving or not. Perhaps Allah is using this as a means to purify our wealth or even our sins and he is able to replace it in many folds without measure. 

9.     Cancer diagnosis can be emotionally challenging, but we take solace knowing that our Rabb is As-Salam the source of peace, the one free from any imperfections and I trust he will grant my troubled heart peace, that he will make the Quran the light of my chest and the dispeller of my worry and anxiety. I remember my sister joking and saying if worry was a person, then that person would be me. I try to be optimistic, but I worry a lot as well I tend to think of worst-case scenarios. Partly because I want to mentally prepare myself in case the outcome is not what I was hoping for. 

10.  Having the best assumption of my lord and reminding myself repeatedly that Allah is most kind, most merciful. He never burdens us more than we can handle. In our case we had access to healthcare; we had the means to pay for the care through the grace of my Rabb. We had transportation to and from our appointments, no significant adverse reactions to the treatment that required hospitalization. So, l ask myself, "which of the favors of my lord can I deny?